By Every Family’s Got One Guest Writer Janet Garber
To the manner born or Portrait of Paul Adam (1862–1920), writer (ca. 1900) print in high resolution by Georges de Feure. Original from The Public Institution Paris Musées. Digitally enhanced by rawpixel.
To The Manner Born
My husband thinks he’s to the manner born and likes to fancy himself a British lord of some import. He has quite a collection of fancy shirts, striped, checked, pale pink and white which he accessorizes with expensive, sometimes garish ties and gold cufflinks.
His footwear is deeply tanned leather to match his roomy leather coat and jacket. And in the old days before we met, he’d take himself of an afternoon to the local park, install himself on a park bench to puff on an expensive cigar or two, looking every bit the country squire.
The problem is, he has a face straight out of the Russian steppes, a Bronx-accent honed on the Grand Concourse, and an affability truly outstanding to witness. No stiff upper lip for him. He makes lifelong friends standing in line for a donut.
I always have favored more of a sporty look on my men…
but after twenty-five years of gentle prodding, purchasing casual wear for him that he never does wear, I’m giving up. Recently I bought him an antique pocket watch on a silver chain. Totally impractical but in sync with his lifelong pretensions to be a lost count or earl or duke in possession of a roomy country manor.
Hitherto, I have been blatantly sarcastic and even super snarky about his apparel and taste. I now admit it’s my ill-conceived effort to control him and one of his few defensive weapons.
Our worst fights ever have been over his attire.
“You can’t be serious. You’re not wearing that!”
All those years between marriages without a man to dress and now I am not allowed to offer any counsel! I may have to invest in vintage Ken dolls, pick out a wardrobe, and content myself with childish amusements.
So, you may see a couple…
the woman in leggings, her feet in stylish work boots, necklaces dangling over a pretty silk sweater; the man all decked out and looking for all the world like he’s headed for dinner following the fox hunt.
They’re not quite matching, but belong together nevertheless.
Dear Reader: He loves the watch and I love him.
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Janet Garber, M.A., has been published in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, New York Post, HR Magazine, Working Mother Magazine, Chicken Soup for the Soul, and elsewhere. Dream Job, Wacky Adventures of an HR Manager, was a Runner-Up in 2016 Shelf Unbound Best Indie Book contest and a Finalist in the 2017 Next Generation Indie Book Awards. Want to say hello to Janet? Connect at scribbles35@gmail.com.
Great story, Janet! Love it. All in all, not a bad difference to have unless, of course, he starts wearing a bowler hat! Lol!
LOL though he just might have a bowler hat!
Maybe one day he’ll find out that he’s actually descended from the lost Russian nobility…or not. I love the way you found a loving, and funny, way to make your two disparate styles work in your marriage.
Yes, I love how Janet makes their two different styles work too!
Enjoyed reading your story Janet & glad you’re both making your
relationship work!
It’s a good relationship lesson, for sure!
“He makes lifelong friends standing in line for a donut” What a great description of your husband’s personality. Loved your story!
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Mary!
Entertaining story. Your writing is awonderful.
It is (on both accounts)!
I thought at first you were writing about my husband, but sadly the pocket watch I gave him was stolen many years ago. Thanks. I really enjoyed the story.
That’s hysterical Susan! Love those sharp-dressed men.
Janet, I love your story. You can take any subject and turn it into a funny, great article.
She really can! Thank you for reading Mary!
I loved the story. My wife buys my clothes and I wear them. It makes life simpler.
You’re a good man, Stan!
So glad you all enjoyed the article. Fun to write. Appreciate the support!
Just read this: delightful! So true about the donut friendship. And a wonderful idea to give him that watch!
Thank you for sharing, Raina!
This was a really enjoyable story, so true, funny and witty ! On a cold winter’s day, a heartwarming read.
Thank you so much for sharing that! So happy you’re here.